The Turkeyfoot Trot

Fall is the perfect time for running outside. It's not too hot, so your shirt doesn't mold into your skin with sweat; and it's not too cold, so you're not actually chasing the breath you see out in front of you. As Goldilocks would so eloquently put it, "it's just right."

Let's consider this even further. How many times when you run does a hot chocolate hit the spot right after you're done? Bingo. And when your crabby neighbor with the REALLY loud dog that seems to start barking at 7 a.m. and never stops - finally gets around to raking his front lawn - doesn't it feel just a LITTLE good to "accidentally" jog right through his intricately molded piles of leaves? Eat it Mr. Biggles, Sunday is now rake-day too!

So in this crisp, wonderful season, its great to find every possible race you can, get out, and enjoy this weather with all your fellow running cronies. In Cincinnati, we've got a few races that are widely publicized and are well known - The Reggae Run, The Mason Mini Marathon, Run Like Hell, etc...... but there are some smaller gems out there that might provide the same thrill and excitement, but without the hype and hoopla. For those of you into antiquing and yard-saling, you know that the best finds are often the most well-hidden.....

On November 15, Erlanger will kick-off its first annual Turkeyfoot Trot. If you have the ability to move forward, you will find a place in this event. There's a 5k run, there's a 5k walk, there's a one-mile run, a one-mile walk; and one of my classic favorites, the kid's fun run (which I always like to picture an ice cream truck just slowly pulling away in front of the kids. It makes it even funnier). I once ran a 5k where we all had to chase an ambulance, and you'd think we were a pack of EMTs who had just lost our watch inside the person we'd been working on.

There are those of you out there who, despite what you say so that you appear modest and respectable in the public, really love to win deep down in your heart. And that's normal, and that's ok (come on, you KNOW you've jumped up with fists pumping in the air when you're opponent said "aw crap, you sunk my battleship!") Well, this race has more divisions than your high-school SAT math section, and you have tons of opportunities to come home a winner. Beyond the age divisions, there are refreshments, door prizes, and the shirt you get is long-sleeved (thank you for catching on to the trend). Oh, and stick this in your corn-cob pipe and smoke it Uncle Joe: the first 100 people to show up get a pair of gloves. Boo-yah, name one other race where you get gloves. I've gotten a lot of swag in my days of 5ks - powdered Gatorade pouches, those little man-purses you keep coins in but never use, 8,000 flyers about stuff that I do not want and cry over the trees killed to make them; but NEVER, ever, have I gotten gloves. Rock on, glove-fairies.

My last bit of excitement for this 5k: it's only $20. If you do the fitness walk and don't snag a shirt, it's only $10. Can you name ANY other 5ks that are that cheap? No, you can't. Stop googling "cheap 5ks".....if you do, you'll only find the Turkeyfoot Trot.

Who does this?! What sort of group of people initiates a 5k that gives so much, and takes so little? Well, a group of passionate individuals who are out to help their community, that's who. People driven to try and make their neighborhood a better place. Not all about that? You probably hate kittens when they purr, too. But if you're NOT a kitten-hater, and support initiatives to strengthen our city, then please follow any one of the millions of links in this blog to their website, register, and go Trot your Turkeyfoot!

As a small side plug, if you're on Facebook, please join this group. It as well is for a worthwhile cause.

I Got Robbed

When I was in seventh grade, I went on a mission trip with my church's youth group to Michigan to help build houses. We slept in the community room of a local church in the town. The usual confusing whirlwind of puberty-fueled emotions that accompany the early teens made a young boy like myself feel like I was going to catch on fire and be rocketed straight to hell at any minute, sleeping in this room with the girls just feet away on the other side of the dividing wall. I remain unscortched, and I thank the relentless zipper on my sleeping bag for that.

These were all people I had known since kindergarten, and so I trusted them very much and knew them all quite well (Craig broke things, Rob made paper airplanes, Myrita flirted, etc....). One day when we headed to the site for a rousing afternoon of laying shingles, I left my wallet on my pillow in the church. My parents had given me a generous $70 to spent on food and entertainment for the week (which, at the time, felt like a giant bucket of gold. Looking at my job now, an extra $70 a week would be as equally exciting). But I felt the little leather fold would be safe - no one's at the church on a Wednesday, and it's IN A CHURCH. Sigh, naivety.......

When we returned from a hard-day's labor and my ADD distractions around the building were complete (bathroom, flirting, snacks, bugs outside the front door, flirting, shiny thing, flirting), I returned to my sleeping bag to find my wallet emptied. I was in utter shock, to think that my wallet had been ransacked on a MISSION trip while staying in a CHURCH. The very foundations of my concept of "trust" were shaken, and what it meant to be a part of the youth group.

We had a long meeting, all eight counselors and 30 youth; and when no one came forward as the thief after a two-hour talk, the counselors proposed we pack up and go home, cutting the trip three days short. After a REALLY long awkward silence, I spoke up and said we had come to Michigan in the name of something good, and we couldn't leave until we were finished. The group was relieved, but I was still pissed deep down inside that I had been robbed in such a setting. To this day, I'm 99% sure who took the $$ - and new kid, you know who you are too. Punk.

At any rate, this event caused me to be very cautious about getting robbed, and I was very nervous to trust people for a long time. More or less, what I did to recover was to stop being materialistic and "thing-focused", and so I have less things of value that could actually be stolen (except my Jurassic Park box set - don't freaking touch that).

So, where this is all leading is that on Tuesday night, the lovely lady and I had a wonderful evening of cooking dinner together and painting her bathroom (insert cheesy montage of paint fights and great late 80s music). It went swimmingly, and I feel that a good amount of paint ended up on each other, the floor, and even the cat, rather than the walls.

Waking up on what turned out to be a dark and drizzly morning, I walked to my car to go home and get ready for the day. Where I had parked my car many nights before, on a side street next to a home and an apartment complex in Hyde Park, I unlocked my driver-side door and leaned to sit down. What I noticed first was the shattered glass all over my driver's seat, and figured there had just been an accident the night before (I love how I always try to talk myself into the most innocent of scenarios).

But as I scanned the interior of the car, I realized the window was completely shattered, my glove compartment opened, my center console torn apart, and things all over the interior of the car. It was the first time my car had ever been broken in to.

Are you serious!? Hyde Park of all places!!! I've lived in Corryville, been through two different college campuses, high school, summer camps, and every sketchy alley I've parked in for a concert across this country. And I get robbed in HYDE PARK?! What the crap!?

They took Tom Tom. Jane (who's was my lovely British assistant, bless your sweet vocals, Jane), had guided me every turn of my drive for the last two years, but had finally lost her vocal cords two weeks ago. I'd taken her apart, and placed her in the glove compartment as her tomb. However, the suction cup marks on the window were still visible from the outside, and I guess that's what prompted the perp to shatter the glass. Punk.

I called 911, and went and woke Allison up as the rain drizzled down and we waited for the police. When the cruiser pulled up, Allison still groggy and in pajamas, but being caring and supportive with an arm wrapped around, the officer took in the damage. Thanks to the ingenious engineering of Mazda, fingerprints can't be taken off the bumpy interior off the car. Awesome-town. Allison and I sat in the back of the cruiser to get out of the rain while the officer took all my information. I joked that I wished it had been the first time I had sat back there, which threw Allison for a loop and the officer just chuckled (I was skateboarding in a park after dusk in my teens, and the cop who caught us was just trying to scare my friend and me. He really just needed a hug).

The drive home was cold, being that the clouds of fog were rolling into my window that morning. But alas, many numbers and miles later, the car is being fixed and I'm driving a sweet rental.

So, my schadenfreude moment is that Tom Tom is broken - so when the glass-happy perp goes to plug it in, he's got nothing but a sweet suction cup and a cable cord he can use to jump rope. A car is fixable, and they took nothing of actual value to me. So all in all, I feel fine about the situation. Yes, it's an inconvenience. Yes, it sucks to have to fork out some dough to the insurance company. Yes, the concept of getting my car broken into in Hyde Park during a rain storm on a Tuesday night is ridiculous. But I've still got 10 fingers and toes, and Jean-Luke (my car's name) stills runs just fine.

Items that amaze me that were NOT taken:

• Tons of coins in the change dish: I guess the perp had just done laundry, and quarters were not a priority.


• Parking key for U. of Illinois: That's like, three weeks of free parking in Illinois on that puppy!


• Sweet Burke Marketing Research fleece blanket: I guess the rain wasn't cold enough for him.


• Spirituality Textbook: My binder from a college course that contains all the answers to the mysteries of the world. The criminal is apparently all-knowing.


• Insurance forms and receipts: All my account codes had to be on there. Major data could've been snagged.


• Tissue-box: Thank God! With my allergies, that would've caused major problems.


• Epi-pen: The perp. is also immune to all things in this world. Even bee stings.


• Umbrella: It was RAINING. The perp. is too hardcore for convenience.